I have had a personal transformation following my sister's death. I admit that I see everything differently now. In some ways it's better -- like I'm living just a little larger. Laughing a little longer. And in other ways it's hard. Tears still pop into my eyes at work when my eyes scan past a photo of Stephanie. And I know that I'll never have another new experience with her. And that is slowly becoming okay.
I'll be starting up this blog again to process what I've learned over the last few years. One reason for the renewed writing is a nudge from my personal friend and spiritual guide, Rev. Johnny Jansen. He asked me to draw one word from a bucket of words to focus on for the year. My word is SHARE. So I'm going to use this platform to share my story.
"Big life changes" actually change you. Repeat. Big life changes change YOU.
A huge shift in my thinking lately is around processing emotions. And, I've learned that "Anger is never a primary emotion." Anger is always brought "to the party" by another emotion.
I'll be starting up this blog again to process what I've learned over the last few years. One reason for the renewed writing is a nudge from my personal friend and spiritual guide, Rev. Johnny Jansen. He asked me to draw one word from a bucket of words to focus on for the year. My word is SHARE. So I'm going to use this platform to share my story.
"Big life changes" actually change you. Repeat. Big life changes change YOU.
A huge shift in my thinking lately is around processing emotions. And, I've learned that "Anger is never a primary emotion." Anger is always brought "to the party" by another emotion.
The graphic above is artwork by Emma Dewitt. The word Anger has bubbled up, but the words underneath are Frustrated, Grumpy, Insecure, Sad, Jealous, Overwhelmed, Offended, Exhausted, Annoyed, Guilt, Worried, Disappointed, Anxious) others could be feeling not hear, feeling dismissed, feeling not trusted, feeling grief over loss of a person or dream."
And when I can name the underlying feeling, it gives me the power. I can figure out what is IN my control to avoid that feeling again if I don't want to appear angry or mad. Hint: boundaries are helpful.
Often, when I encounter someone who is angry now, I feel bad for them. I try to stop and try to empathize with them. Which word is bubbling up? And it's ALWAYS SOMETHING ELSE. It's usually something sad.
So, ironically, the name of my blog is "So Mad I Started a Blog" because I was angry that day. I admit, I did not know how to process my emotions then and I'm still learning now. My counselor taught me this "trick" and I'm grateful.
When Chris helped me start this blog I was mad. Mad as hell. But who invited mad to my party? Grief. The loss of the type of little boy I thought we'd have. The son who should have been happy, instead of miserable for the first years of his life. It was also called scared. Scared for what the future would hold for our whole family.
What I've learned is there will always be transformations in my life, and that's good. That means we are living.
And when I can name the underlying feeling, it gives me the power. I can figure out what is IN my control to avoid that feeling again if I don't want to appear angry or mad. Hint: boundaries are helpful.
Often, when I encounter someone who is angry now, I feel bad for them. I try to stop and try to empathize with them. Which word is bubbling up? And it's ALWAYS SOMETHING ELSE. It's usually something sad.
So, ironically, the name of my blog is "So Mad I Started a Blog" because I was angry that day. I admit, I did not know how to process my emotions then and I'm still learning now. My counselor taught me this "trick" and I'm grateful.
When Chris helped me start this blog I was mad. Mad as hell. But who invited mad to my party? Grief. The loss of the type of little boy I thought we'd have. The son who should have been happy, instead of miserable for the first years of his life. It was also called scared. Scared for what the future would hold for our whole family.
What I've learned is there will always be transformations in my life, and that's good. That means we are living.