My mom, Dorothy, was a dreamer. She loved starting projects. The ones that come to mind:

• Hand dipping candles
• Making baskets out of cords and fabric
• Creating "Cabbage Patch" dolls and "Care Bears"
• Making me a twirl flag for me when the Olympics came on so I could dance around the living room
• Making a ladder for a bear to climb out of two sticks
• The sewing machine had a permanent spot in our kitchen nook, she always had fabric and paper patterns.

It seemed to give my mom joy to start things new and give it a go. She didn't always (or rarely) completed the projects. It didn't seem to bother her. 

I've started to get a little crafty myself. I don't have any sewing skills. But I was willing to try.   

Recently, I've heard that if you want to put yourself out there, then try thinking, "I'm not afraid to be seen trying." That can get you past most embarrassing new adventures.

Guess what? I tried using the sewing machine. I had offers to help me learn. And, sewing machines are just not for me. 

I'm selling the beloved 70s Bernina 830 sewing machine in hope it give the next "Dorothy" a place to start projects that she may never finish. I hope it brings her joy to start projects she may never finish. 

Miss you, mom. Here's to trying new things and not worrying about if they get completed. Find joy in the moment. 

Last August, I was feeling strong physically. I was working out at Orange Theory twice a week. I had biceps! I was seeing a mental health therapist (still am) and had so many new tools to help adjust my emotions. And with my new attitude in life, I was ready for an adventure!

Chris and I were driving through Dubuque, and a car was stranded in the middle of the road. Chris had recovered last winter from a terrible back injury, so I said, "Babe - don't get out. I'll help!"

This was a big deal for one reason.
1. Prior to this, I would have never offered help it involved risking my own life in any way. In the middle of a busy street! I was much safer inside the minivan with Chris. I mean, I've survived cancer so far. Why risk it? But my new instinct was to jump in and help. 

So, I yelled "I'm coming to help! I'm an old white lady. I'll help!"

We got it done. four strangers pushing two people in a car to safety. 

I did it NOT to be a Karen. But to be a BETH. More on that later. #BethDuttonGoals #Yellowstone

It felt awesome. Two of my strengths merged: Achiever (get it done) and Belief (Gotta do the right thing).

Thanks for following along. 

My beautiful mother loved these Christmas "settings." She loved getting them out at Christmas time. She loved the little bears under the tree. 

Me. Not so much.

But when it was time to downsize at my parent's home, long after her death, the plates ended up with me. And it was a bunch of plates and cups. I think it was enough for 12 settings plus a bunch of accessories. It took up a lot of storage space. 

They have been in storage for 20 years maybe. I've never used them. Not once. I don't like them.  

But I could not throw or give them away -- my mom cherished them!

New thought - let's find someone new to cherish them. 

I didn't care what the plates were worth financially. I wanted to find them the right, new home. Immediately. 

So, I took them to Stuff Etc. (a consignment shop). But they were out of bins to put your items into. So they wouldn't take the dishes that day. Bummer. 

Instead of hauling them home...I saw this nice older lady eye-balling my Christmas China. I said, "Do you like them You can have it?" And she did. I carried them to her car. We were both beaming. 

​New home found. 

Sometimes you also have to let people go. People may come in to your life like a sunrise--bright at the beginning. Sometimes they are like a sunset--warm and over too soon. 

Also, try a Facebook break. I recently deactivated my account--it's been so freeing. Today I reached out to two close friends by text. Neither of them are on Facebook--i bet I would not have done that last year. 

Now, I'm far from perfect or a purist. Chris has Facebook, so find him there for pictures of our wonderful life. 

Peace. 

I have had a personal transformation following my sister's death. I admit that I see everything differently now. In some ways it's better -- like I'm living just a little larger. Laughing a little longer.  And in other ways it's hard. Tears still pop into my eyes at work when my eyes scan past a photo of Stephanie. And I know that I'll never have another new experience with her. And that is slowly becoming okay. 

I'll be starting up this blog again to process what I've learned over the last few years. One reason for the renewed writing is a nudge from my personal friend and spiritual guide, Rev. Johnny Jansen. He asked  me to draw one word from a bucket of words to focus on for the year. My word is SHARE. So I'm going to use this platform to share my story. 

"Big life changes" actually change you. Repeat. Big life changes change YOU.

A huge shift in my thinking lately is around processing emotions. And, I've learned that "Anger is never a primary emotion."  Anger is always brought "to the party" by another emotion.

The graphic above is artwork by Emma Dewitt. The word Anger has bubbled up, but the words underneath are Frustrated, Grumpy, Insecure, Sad, Jealous, Overwhelmed, Offended, Exhausted, Annoyed, Guilt, Worried, Disappointed, Anxious) others could be feeling not hear, feeling dismissed, feeling not trusted, feeling grief over loss of a person or dream."

And when I can name the underlying feeling, it gives me the power. I can figure out what is IN my control to avoid that feeling again if I don't want to appear angry or mad. Hint: boundaries are helpful. 

​Often, when I encounter someone who is angry now, I feel bad for them. I try to stop and try to empathize with them. Which word is bubbling up? And it's ALWAYS SOMETHING ELSE. It's usually something sad.  

So, ironically, the name of my blog is "So Mad I Started a Blog" because I was angry that day. I admit, I did not know how to process my emotions then and I'm still learning now. My counselor taught me this "trick" and I'm grateful. 

When Chris helped me start this blog I was mad. Mad as hell. But who invited mad to my party? Grief. The loss of the type of little boy I thought we'd have. The son who should have been happy, instead of miserable for the first years of his life. It was also called scared. Scared for what the future would hold for our whole family. 

What I've learned is there will always be transformations in my life, and that's good. That means we are living.